Today's post is a bit more to self-reflections. I never really knew how precious a friendship could be till I almost lost one. When the bond is there, you won't realize actually how fragile that bond could be.. and when it cracks, it take a huge effort to fix it back. Even then, the scars remains....
Recently, I joined a group in Facebook. This group consists of E.L.F.s, the fans of Super Junior. In this page is where we all go and brag about our love towards the boys. Anyway, from this group, I made a lot of new friends, friends that loves Super Junior as much as I do. And i got especially close with one E.L.F, A.
A and I were role playing as lovers in the group. The moment we both started chatting, we just clicked. I could just chat anything with A. I really enjoy A's presence. Most of the time, I purposely go online just hoping to be able to see A online so that I could chat with A.
Then one day, approximately a month after we knew each other, in one emotional night, we started chatting real deep topics. The both of us got so close that it was quite usual for both of us to confide our secrets to each other. A knows some of my secrets and I knew some of A's. At that night, A finally told me a secret regarding A that I knew a long time ago, but through another party. During that chat, we both decide to experiment "love". We formed a contract where we shall be in a relationship for a 3-months trial. After 3 months, if there isn't any sparks between us, den we will call it off. But if there is sparks between us, we shall continue till either of us found someone who is able to love us more than how we love each other.
However, the very next night, everything just seems so wrong. Both of us just suddenly got really agitated with each other. maybe it is because we just naturally developed expectations for each other when agreed to entered into the relationship. That night, our chat was the most boring one that we ever had. Everything just seems so wrong. The whole night, we both just ended up being frustrated with one another. From the usual sweet chats, we were like chatting just for the sake that we were together. In the end, in less than 24 hours, I called off the relationship as I seriously prefer the old us, the sweet friendship than this sour relationship, filled with anger and jealousy.
After calling it off, I suddenly felt a sense of relieve although I knew I shouldn't be feeling so. I was feeling relieve because I felt like I manage to salvage the broken bond before it goes for the worst. That night, I think back to the time when I confess to a close friend of mine where i was rejected. Although the both of us were still friends after that, I was always angry when that friend manage to get a new lover.
Today, it was the first time we chatted again. Though it is not as sweet as before, but i guess it is making progress. In those days when A was absent, I finally know how it feels to long for someone. Every single time I sign in my Facebook, I was devastated when i saw that A is not online. In the end, I even end up not signing in to Facebook because I don't want to handle the disappointment of not seeing A online.
In conclusion, I really hope we can return to where we first started. That moments that i shared with A will forever inscribed in my memories. I would take this as a part and parcel of life, a lesson well learnt. And as an additional info, I was no longer mad at the friend who rejected my confession 3 years back. In fact, I was glad that we could continue to become friends after I confess as I realize not everyone could set aside the bad part of the relationship and just hold on to the good parts. Thus, over here, in today's blog, I would like to dedicate it to A and the friend that I confess to, I....
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